Why girls’ confidence falls off a cliff after puberty — and what we can do about it.
There’s a strange thing that happens to girls after puberty.
One minute, they’re loud, fearless, and full of ideas.
The next? They’re quiet. Careful. Shrinking.
It’s not because they’ve changed.
It’s because we have.
At DAME, we’ve seen the data. We’ve read the reports. But we wanted to hear it in real life — from women who’ve felt that gap, lived through it, and built careers on closing it.
Dorothy Oduguwa is one of those women.
She’s now an award-winning Diversity & Inclusion Lead at Vodafone. She works every day to create spaces where people can be seen, heard, and valued — no matter their background.
But it wasn’t always like that.
“I was not always this confident,” she told us, laughing.
“I’m a natural introvert. In my teens, I was much more withdrawn. Much more shy. I definitely wasn’t the person jumping on calls being recorded for blogs!”
So what changed?
The truth is — nothing magical.
Just people.
“It was mentorship,” she said. “It was people in my early career who saw something in me. Who gave me the chance to speak. Who told me my voice mattered — even if my ideas were rubbish at first.”
This is how confidence grows. Not through perfect grades. Not through polished Instagram profiles. But through spaces where girls are allowed to get it wrong — and try again.
The Confidence Cliff is Real.
Research shows that girls’ confidence drops by 30% between the ages of 8 and 14. Boys’ confidence stays the same. Or even grows.
Why?
Because girls learn early that their value lies in:
• Being liked, not being right.
• Looking good, not feeling good.
• Staying small, not taking up space.
“I think especially for young women of colour,” Dorothy reflected, “there’s this extra pressure to be grateful. To not rock the boat. To wait your turn.”
But waiting rarely works.
What does?
Trying. Failing. Learning. And being surrounded by people who believe in you while you figure it all out.
Advice To My Teenage Self (And Everyone Else)
We asked Dorothy what she’d say to a girl standing on that shaky bridge between teenage chaos and adult confidence.
Her answer was beautifully simple.
“Try everything. Try one thing. Try two things. Try all the things.”
“The stuff I’ve done outside of work has not been linear. I did product management. I did project management. I did netball at university — and I’m terrible at netball. But I made friends. I learned about myself.”
“That’s what it’s about. Keep on trying. Make mistakes. Fail fast. That’s the only way to find the thing that clicks.”
Confidence is Contagious.
It’s built in community.
Dorothy credits her journey to the mentors and managers who backed her — who made space for her voice when she wasn’t ready to claim it herself.
And now? She’s paying it forward.
“I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for the people who stood next to me, behind me, in front of me, showing me the way. That’s why I mentor others now. We have to bring people along the journey with us.”
What Has This Got To Do With Periods?
Everything.
Because the confidence gap shows up everywhere. In classrooms. In boardrooms. In bathrooms.
When periods are taboo — when policies don’t exist — when the workplace doesn’t listen — girls and women get the message (again): shrink, hide, don’t ask.
Dorothy put it best.
“At Vodafone, we hold space for people. We listen. We learn what they need. And we create environments where people feel comfortable to be themselves — even on days when their body isn’t playing ball.”
“Happy people make for a more effective workforce. It’s as simple as that.”
The Bottom Line.
Confidence isn’t something girls grow out of.
It’s something the world knocks out of them.
But here’s the good news.
If confidence can be lost — it can be rebuilt.
It starts with showing up. Speaking up. Failing up.
And it starts with us.
